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Wednesday October 29th 2003, 1:53 am
Filed under: General
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When I first encountered Salviaspace, I like everyone else wanted
desperately to bring back the golden secret. The secret that would once and
for all expose the “man behind the curtain”. We all know what it is like to
come back thinking we finally remembered the secret only to scribble down
something barely on the surface. For me it was things like, “there is nothing behind us”, “were all existing in another world”, “we are ALWAYS at that place”, “its like were all walls of one big house which is eternity”, “were all part of a honeycomb” etc.
Well, each of us has our own impressions but were all obviously Seeing the
same Truth.

We may have brought back some thruths with us that help us immensely but for
the most part, salvia’s teachings are working their magic with out our
conscious recollection. In other words the benefits that we get from salvia
that we CAN talk about pale in comparison to the benefits that we can NOT
talk about because we, ourselves are not even privy to this.

Well, I think I may have figured out why we can never bring the secret back
with us. Actually, I didnt figure anything out, it just dawned on me in the
course of my own practice unrelated to salvia in particular. I touched on it
a year ago but the understanding has grown much much deeper since
encountering the Advaita teachings. The following are two things that I
wrote on the side to a friend I made on a salvia mailing list. This touched
on it but I will add my recent realizations after the following;

“I finally figured out why it is so hard to take salvia even though you know
it will be a wonderful experience. Last week I was playing upstairs with my
daughter and I was very tired. She walked out of the room for I don’t know
how long, but it couldn’t have been more than a couple minutes. I
immediately closed my eyes and fell into deep theta, maybe even stage 1 of
sleep. I found myself as the witness watching myself slide outwards to what
I knew to be the Infinite. I knew this to be two things simultaneously,
sliding towards death and sliding towards slavia space. The fear was
overwhelming as I knew I would lose my self but the wiser part of me knew
that surrendering was in order despite the anhialation that I was sure to
face. Without thought I surrendered, and of course it was a wonderful and
deeply rewarding experience. What I learned from this experience was why it
takes so much courage to do salvia or to practice the ‘Witness’. When you
enter this state, you enter timelessness which is very threatening to the
‘state of mind’ that abides in time. It doesn’t matter wether you enter
timelessness for a minute or an hour. Infinity is infinity. The timeless state demands
unabashed surrendering which to us, in time, means death. That should be
enough to make any-mind/body reluctant.” (A week later I wrote)

“Yesterday I slipped into a peculiar state of awareness that reminded me of
salvia. I found myself in a state of deep inner silence and I recognized
this as my basic state. The movement from this recognition caused a stir in
the silence and then I became aware of movement or my mind. In a flash I saw
the whole thing and I understood it perfectly. I even played with it for a
while and committed it to memory. What I saw seemed to be a symbol for
salvia, who we really are, and the whole situation of existence. I have been
obsessed with something very similar for a while now and this is just a
variation on the same theme. What I saw is that we exist in two modes
simultaneously; still and moving.

When we get the philosophical bug we pursuit the truth but we find it to
be alluding and even paradoxical. well, that is because we relate to our
selves as the moving entity and not the silent entity. the moving entity is
the mind in action or thinking. well think about how silly it is for
movement to try and understand stillness. it is a blatant contradiction.
This actually happened to me in a meditation a couple days ago and these
experiences are bleeding together which makes it even more strange for me.
But, in this meditation I was complete stillness itself and as soon as I was
aware of it being blissful, I realized that I had entered the arena of
movement. In this state of movement, I was still aware of the bliss that I
was in just a moment ago but it felt like a whole other world. I entered
back into stillness and was once again in the realm of bliss and then I
continued to oscillate back and forth realizing that the two states are like
two sides of the same coin. Movement can not fathom stillness as the very
act of movement (thinking, grasping etc.) disrupts the stillness.
So in short the mind can never know truth, beauty, love, liberation,
enlightenment, the absolute or the infinite. The very presence of the mind
negates the Truth.

Well anyway, yesterday when I found my self in this state,I had an experience that made it all so simple. It was like a symbol where I saw movement and stillness going back and forth. That is what I used to go through on salvia and it sounds like others go through the same thing. In salviaspace you are thrown into the bosom of truth. But you can not bring it back because back here in the field of phenomena we are like the
movement and salvia space is like the stillness. One seems to cancel the
other out.”(end of letters)

What I was trying to express in those letters is that no one can know the
Truth, one can only Be the Truth. But in order to Be the Truth, the person
that seeks the truth needs to die. In fact, it is only the seeker that
obscures the sought. So, it is the ‘person’ that wants the Truth but the
very nature of the Truth necessarily kills the ‘person’ that sought it in
the first place. This is true for the very fact that it is our personhood or
identity thereof that makes the search seemingly necessary in the first

Hmmm, let me try to put it simpler. The other night,I was contemplating a
pendulum as a symbol for Reality/Brahman/God/Totality. So, lets say that
Brahman is a pendulum and the nature of a pendulum is to oscillate between
movement and stillness. The pendulum swings back and forth but as it peaks
to one side there is a moment (however brief) in which it is perfectly Still
before it swings back to the other direction. It doesnt matter how long a
clock would measure the moment of Stillness because Stillness is Infinite in
nature. (Actually, we couldnt even measure the moment of stillness even if
we tried because it would be imperceptible to us as enities in time.)

OK, so when the pendulum (Brahman) is Still, it is the Unmanifest/Noumenon/Infinite and when the pendulum (Brahman)is moving, it is
the manifest/phenomenon/finite. So, you can imagine how ludicrous it would
be for the moving pendulum which is me/us to try and know or comprehend the
Stillness. That is our situation, we are the moving pendulum looking for the
Still pendulum but we cant recognize ‘it’ (or who we really are) because of
the very fact that we wont stop moving. We think that we are fragments of something ‘else’ when in fact we are the Totality our selves. The only way for movement to be aware of the Stillness would be to Stop. But Stopping is the death of the mover so the mover shall never see Stillness. This reminds me of when I got my first taste of this at
the Monroe Institute. I realized that no one could get Enlightenment because
there is No-One to be enlightened, there is only Enlightenement. Enlightenment is the end of the ‘one’. Only Not-two.I’ll end with a couple Ramana Maharshi quotes with a little commentary.

“When the mind comes out of the Self, the world
appears. Therefore, when the world appears, the Self does not appear; and
when the Self
appears, the world does not appear.”

Taking our selves to be individuals IN a world dictates that we shall never
know the Self/Brahman as we self impose an illusory subject/object
dichotomy. You cant find God because you ARE god. (not a piece or a fragment
but the whole enchilada)

What is the difference between the mind and the Self?

Sri Ramana:
There is no difference. The mind turned inwards is the Self; turned
it becomes the ego and all the world.

So, once again, taking our selves to be part of the world, we can never
approach the Truth with out facing certain annihilation.
I hope this doesn’t come off as gloomy. It is actually very liberating. The
Truth is that we have always been Liberated as there has never been any
bondage to begin with. We already are complete and Self perfected. Were just
doing a damned good job pretending otherwise. Like actors in a play who are
so good that they have taken their roles to be actual. pretty cool eh?
c ya marc

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