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The Immigrant Problem
Wednesday June 21st 2006, 11:33 am
Filed under: humor,Justice,politics,Truth
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This information came my way via email originated by Tracylee Clarke, an Associate of Concur, Inc. in Berkely. I thought it would surely be of critical importance to the DS Community!

“Canada is busy sending back Bush-dodgers. The flood of American
liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the
past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal

The unflinching arrogance of the Bush Administration is prompting the
exodus among liberal citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt,
pray, and agree with Bill O’Reilly

Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal-rights activists, and Unitarians crossing their
fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there
was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red
Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,
exhausted and hungry. “He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left. Didn’t even
get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers
that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he
said. “The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much
they wouldn’t give milk”

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive
them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. “A lot of
these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,” an Ontario border
patrolman said my website. “I found one carload without a drop of drinking water.
They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.”

When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors
have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing
re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic
beer and watch NASCAR.

Liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border.
Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap
Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans
disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. “If
they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we
get suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
Sarandon movies. “I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian
economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many
art-history majors does one country need?”

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that
the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close
to Cheney said. “We’re going to have some Peter, Paul &Mary concerts.
And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The
president is determined to reach out.”

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